my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
