We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
