Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
