theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
