I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
