I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
