your thong is hanging out like whoa
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
