We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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