The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Randomize
