oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize