I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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