I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this boner is exhausting
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
