He is an equal opportunity slut.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
