I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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