good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
