so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
