this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
