yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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