end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
