she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
