Apparently you make a good broom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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