Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
