no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize