My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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