you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize