Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
