This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
