he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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