I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize