I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
