I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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