i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
