Porn is love you can see.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
