I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
