Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
