I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
