hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I could fuck to npr.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
