what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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