Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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