He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
