My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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