Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found your dick twin last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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