good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
