remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
