not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
