Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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