i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
