A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
