Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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