Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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