i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
