3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to have your abortion
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
