I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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