wakey wakey hands off snakey
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
