He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
