I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
