the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
