found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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