If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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