dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
