I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
