I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
