Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
