I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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