I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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