dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
