u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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